| I havent made a final decision yet because I need to talk it over with my parents before I do something irrational....but I'm very close to telling Shizu I dont want to go...I understand that she's having a rough time, I really do, and I'm just trying to be helpful, and I know a huge part of it is I am just very very sensitive at the moment and this kind of BS will pass in a few days but....
I have really had it with people.
I am sick,and tired of being there for people....
Especially when they're hardly ever there for me.... - Mood:nauseated
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| it always finds one to squirt in your eyes...
I've been suffering from an anxiety attack like I always do before a trip but tacked on to that already lovely nugget is an even lovelier nugget....My uterus has decided to betray me, which is no suprise there and I have run out of my meds so not only am I anxious but I'm fucking cranky too. Added onto that are my doubts about this trip anyway despite already having printed my boarding pass and packed most of my shit.
Also added onto that are the lovely little nuggets that shizu gives me while I try to look on the bright side of things she goes and unintentionally stabs me in the side....I'm not saying things will remain the same, but there's no need to treat me emotionally like crap....
I've gotten to a point where I am tired of being emotionally abused, I'm tired of people walking all over me, and I'm at a point where if something bothers me, I lie, put on a fake smile and store all of my emotional baggage until it erupts and I become so mentally and emotionally numb that you could probably tell me that I have six months to live and I probably would just shrug it off. Is that healthy? Hell no, but Its hard to save yourself on your own...
I'm not saying I depend on people to rescue me, but I do it so much with the people I care about that I would think someone would return the favor....when you fall, and there's no one there to help you....it kind of makes you feel, just a little betrayed....
I cant save people and myself.....not anymore.....at least not right now....
I have seriously thought about not going up....not going out of town, but I dont know....there's so much crap thats swirling around right now that I dont know which way is up. I might wait until this afternoon to really make a final decision and just kind of figure out whats going to happen next....A part of me wants to tell her to stay, not for me, but for her dad, especially with it being so close to fathers day. I am entirely prepared to cut my loses for the plane ticket and just not go. or wait, or whatever, yes it was a decent chunk of money....but at the same time, family is more important than money or vacations...
Its hard...when you have no idea what to do....and you're not emotionally stable...
I just want to be happy....I want my friends to be happy.... | |
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| I know I havent been sleeping real well but this weekend I've been sleeping ok. Prehaps its because of the anxiety I'm feeling. As you all know, I tend to get a really bad anxiety attack before I travel, which is stupid because I know I'm going to have fun. I think its more that I get anxious until I get to the airport and once I'm there I'm fine! XD Still Its stupid. I'm not travelling by myself this time since I'm going up with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) fajra since I'm going to stay with her for a week and a half. ^^ I dunno, its probably because of my OCD and whatever, If I can control something It bothers me, and when it comes to travel I cant control everything and thats what scares me, I'm only fine once things are under control and I'm in a controlled environment, such as when I get to the airport, only then can I relax. O_o; Again, stupid I know but its just how I am, and while I hate it, its just a matter of not letting myself get pulled in. Thats why I like havign friends to talk t, and friends I can vent to, it just helps to releive the stress especially when a friend tells me, "you're going to have fun" or "its going to be ok." Parents are one thing, they're suppose to say those things, but when it comes from a third party, it just really helps. I know I'm going to have fun, I know things are going to be fine, but I still get nervous and ridiculous. XD I really do need this though because One, I already paid for the tickets and two, I'm going to go crazy if I work one more day without a break. A change of scenery is something I need, and I deffinately need and deserve some sort of mental health day before I just go street rat crazy. For the most part I'm all packed, even though I'm leaving wednesday, but it just leaves me with one less stress to deal with. Hooray! XD | |
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| I always forget how tired I end up feeling after a funeral. I woke up this morning around 11 and while my headache was gone I felt like I drank too much or something. I forgot that even after the funeral and the crying and all that, that you still dont feel 100%
But fortunately I no longer have a headache and I its nice that I dont have to go anywhere hopefully for the rest of the weekend. I am greatful to have my friends and my family though since it helps with the healing process.
I'm also happy that I have the weekend to just kind of recover from it all. - Tags:rl
- Mood:relaxed
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| Today was the day, the day of the funeral, it was....well....a funeral.
My mom was actually not feeling good but went anyway which was nice but I dont think my dad fully appreciated it to the extent that I did. I dont know though, I try not to bring up that kind of stuff...
We got there a little late only in the sense that we had 15 minutes before the serivce started. Got there and went in, the church was nice, but it wasnt nearly as nice as the church they had my grandmothers funeral in. The service was nice except I didnt care much for the priest, because he was very generic, very impersonal, and it felt like he was talking down to everyone there, and again, the priest at my grandmothers funeral was wonderful, probably the best priest.
But other then that the service was nice, and so was the service at the cemetary, there were some really nice arrangements there and it was nice to see so many people there paying their respects to my cousin, and being there in support of the family.
They had a nice mariachi band and they played for a bit. I got a couple of roses and took them with me, I left after the band finished playing and waited in the car with my mom since I had a really bad headache. Everyone else was there for like thirty minutes....apparently everyone watched the Casket go into the ground and then buried.....I was watching it from the car and it was a little morbid and it just wasnt something I hope to ever watch again.
After the service we all went to Olive Garden, it was nice to sit with the family and talk, and just be a little more...."happy" so to speak. I had some iced tea as well as had some wine which was quite good. the fettucini was also quite good, it was nice to talk to my cousins and such because it was nice to see them again even if it was under not so happy circumstances. After that we left and went home, I slept the entire way home though since i had a huge headache. Unfortunately even though I took a nap i still have a huge headache.
I'm hoping some sleep will help though since I hate feeling like this. | |
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| I made it through the week ok, though the real test will be tomorrow when I go to the funeral for my cousin....
I'm not looking forward to it merely because I never do well with funerals, and I never deal well with people at funerals....Fortunately my mom will be there with me and I should be ok, more or less. Though I will still be emotionally stressed and sad obviously.
Everyone at work though have been really supportive for me and thats good because I need it. I get tired of people who think their pain is worse than someone elses, when pain is pain and it doesnt matter who has it worse, when you hurt and you dont know what to do it still hard to deal with it. My supervisor told me before she left that it will be what it will be and I know that to be true, I mean, who's going to sit there and go, "Have a good day tomorrow!" huhuh.......yeah, that just doesnt happen.
I'm just hoping for the least amount of crap from my family since I dont do well when people are in hysterics and I'm already emotionally on edge. While I love my family they tend to not be the kind of positive people that I like to be around, they tend to be negative and unhappy and it causes me to feel the same way. I dont want that, I want to be myself and like everyone I just want to be happy too. I know tomorrow will not be a happy day, but I've learned after so many deaths that thinking about the negatives gets you nowhere, when you think about the good of everyone, when you think about the positive and happy times, it just seems to help get me throughh the day and start the healing process.
I know these things never really fully heal but I still prefer to try and be happy and just think about the person in a positive light because I know they wouldnt want me to be sad, they would want me to be happy and enjoy life.
And I do. - Tags:rl
- Mood:contemplative
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| Haha... XD Yes happy hump day to all you lovely people out there.
Today is one of those days where not only is it cloudy outside but its a little cloudy in my head. Todays not a great day but its clearly not a bad day. Two more days until my cousins funeral and I'm a little on edge. Though not just for that reason but also for reasons such as the budget crisis, and my constant fear of losing my job, AGAIN. I'm hoping for the best though since I have been having such a long streak of bad luck and bad days that things are bound to turn around and start looking up.
So heres for the best.
I've started wearing my LiveStrong bracelet again, I think it will help not only show my support for cancer research but it will serve as a reminder to me that there should only bee good days and great days. that while things look bad, it could be worse and to always, and I mean always find something positive about each and every day, even if its the simplest thing. - Tags:rl
- Location:Work
- Mood:optimistic
 - Music:Goo Goo Dolls - Let Love In
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Well, this week hasnt been too bad but since my last post its like things have gone to hell....yesterday i went to work and it wasnt too bad, but unfortunately my co-worker and friend is having a tough time, since she got word that her sister isnt doing real well and only has weeks to live. That being said it got me to think about all of the people in my life both family and friends who have died, either of cancer or other things....one of my best friends being one of the people who died which bothered me then and to this day still bothers me since she was my friend and classmate and never got to graduate with me or my friends...
The other thing is this whole thing has reminded me a lot about what my mom had to go through when her sister died....she also died from cancer and almost the same thing happened....she seemed to be doing well and just all of a sudden it hit her even harder.....
One of the things.....that never ceases to amaze me but at the same time I fully understand that each case is different, but some people might think that with all the deaths of people I know and love who died from cancer one ignorant fool might think that I would be used to it, but again like I said...each case is different and one never gets used to it because of that....
So because my supervisor had to leave early I was left to deal with things on my own which isnt a huge deal to me, but it got me to think about all the people who've passed....and it deeply upsets and hurts me to see her so sad....I feel helpless, I feel like i should be able to do and say everything that will help or whatever...but the truth is.....I dont have that capability....and the other thing is, despite the fact that I put on a brave face and I smile and just overall am there for my supervisor the way I should be.....deep down, I'm really not as stoic or strong as I would like to be....or wish I were.
After work my mom picked me up and we went to Macys because there were a couple of things I wanted and though I didnt go nuts I was glad that I got what I got because just as I was starting to feel better the other bomb was dropped in my life....
My cousin...apparently passed away....at 2.....and while I tried to be brave and keep a calm face....I just.....couldnt...I ended up breaking down and cried....it was awful....not just because of that but like with most deaths....its opened up all the wounds that have slowly healed over time....it will now take a long time to close them again...as well as close the newest wound....I havent completely decided what I want to do, but I think I am leaning towards going to the mass on friday because while I didnt always see here everyday of my life, I knew here well enough and she was there when I was growing up long enough where I need to pay my last respects to her...especially since she did come to my graduation last year. I owe it to her since I did love her and she was part of my family....
The only thing I dont look forward to and hope that I dont ahve to deal with a lot of is the drama that tends to ensue during times like this...not to mention all the drama that was going on even before her death...
This much crap....and this much pain that I am going through hasnt happened for many years.....the last time this happened was when my moms friend and my aunt died.....they to happened so fast and so close together that its like there was no time to heal....same thing happened when my best friend died in high school...
Fortunately I have my friends and I have fajra who are always there for me and know how to help me through times like this. For that i am greatful that you are all my friends and you give me the strength to continue on without doing something stupid. So thank you all for being my friend.
I love you all, and thank you, | |
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| This week has, been really something, actually the past two weeks have been something. Last week I had the week from hell, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I was a little sick, everything at work wasnt going the way I usually like it, and everything little thing or person that could possibly piss me off did. I was very tired and worn out and was just so depressed and angry that I didnt recognize who I was.
But! Fortunately after the long holiday weekend I feel a lot better. I'm not as tired I'm a lot happier and things are just a little better. Unfortunately despite mentally feeling better I ended up receiving some bad news. I got news that my cousin may or may not live through the end of this week because of her cancer.....not to mention my other cousin is being an asshole. While I love my family, i really hate a lot of the drama that gets created during a time when we should be there making sure she doesnt suffer anymore than she has to.
Also today my supervisore left early because her sister has cancer and she got a call saying that she wasnt doing well. *sigh* I've never been good at this kind of stuff, even though I've had to deal with people I know and love dying from cancer I still, just cant seem to say or do the right things.
But...I guess the only thing that I can do is be there for my family and my friends, be there and just give them my thoughts and prayers.
The thing that bothers me the most about this is, her sister invited me to a bridal shower that she planned for her soon to be daughter in law and I know my supervisor was hoping that she would be around to see her son get married.....the best I can do is hope and pray that that happens....but...from what I was told....its not looking good.
Sometimes....life just likes to suck... | |
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| An Earthquake! Woohoo! XD; Today was a little slow but it was good, I decided to get corrales for lunch today because after the incredibly crappy lunch I had yesterday I thought that I deserved something good. So me and laura ended up both getting something for lunch! She got chicken Taquitos and I got a veggie burrito with chicken. Which was absolutely delicious, it hit the spot and it was just what I was wanting. After lunch I went back to work until it was time for our break. We walked with another one of my co-workers who was going to lunch and during out walk I noticed a familiar logo! It happened to be the logo for my school! CSUCI! So me and laura went in and quickly looked around because we didnt have a lot of time, and I was really happy to see so much! After that we walked back to the building and I went back to work! I was kneeling on the ground filing away invoices when there was a small rolling sensation, I didnt think anything of it because I had just gone out for a walk and thought maybe it was just me, but a few seconds later there was a huge boom and the entire building shook. I quickly slid across the carpet trying to get away from the filing cabinets and ended up with rug burns on both my knees as well as my nerves being shot. It was such an unusaly feeling since I'm used to the rolling earthquakes and not so much the close thrust ones where it feels like someone dropped something. We ended up learning that it was a 4.2 earthquake that was in Ojai, which was why it was so hard. Me and laura were a little rattled as well as being totally awake, everyone in the building was also a little rattled as well as quite awake. Earthquakes are nothing new in california since we get them pretty much everyday, but its always scary when you're not expecting it. haha. today was a good day even with the earthquake and now I have been chillin at home and having a drink to wind down and just relaxe. ^^ Oh yes! and sukiyakiya invited me to goodreads.com so if you want to friend me here's my URL: http://www.goodreads.com/kohakushadow- Tags:rl
- Mood:sleepy
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| Since things have been so boring and there's only so many blog posts I can do stating that because they'll all end up sounding the same. But today was a little interesting....or rather crap right now is interesting.
I was suppose to get a brand new computer at work which was exciting since I've been needing a new computer to work on because everytime I do anything it sounds like its going to explode. O_o;;;
But when it came time to give the new computers out, I didnt get one....apparently due to the budget I'm not one of the lucky ones who gets a computer. Despite the fact that I understand why, I still felt rather annoying that I didnt get one because its like what I do doesnt mean shit to anyone. But again, i dont mind...dont care, one less thing I have to deal with or worry about and I was able to finally throw out a bunch of stuff that was in the cupboard above my computer. Bunch of crap that I didnt need, and stuff that was probably a lot older than me.
The bus ride home ws actually pretty good for a change of pace and I was just happy to be home, but when I came home I saw my neighbor sitting in his truck and i didnt think anything of i because he has a tendency to be in his truck every now and then for whatever reason, but when I entered my house I discovered that I had no power in my house. So I decided to wait a little bit and see if it came on, but it didnt, so I called my mom and got the number to call Edison and find out if this was a rolling blackout or something happened. So after a few tries on my cellphone I was finally able to get through and was in the middle of getting some information when I was disconnected, so I called my mom again to see if she could find out.
Turns out no one knows what the cause of the blackout was. They didnt know what the cause was, where it was, or how long it was going to take to fix. So two and a half hours later and after taking a shower in the dark and walking through the house which is now 80 degrees, I decide to do a little cleaning and asked my dad if he could get something from Carls Jr. which he's kind enough to do. So I wash dishes clean up some and kind of sit around waiting for the power to come back on. Which it does eventually. So Yay! air conditioner on, and all is well with the world, same with the internet.
My dad comes home with food, hooray! well....almost....apparently they fucked up and didnt give my dad my burger....so my mom had one, my dad had one, and I had nothing. HOORAY! I love today! -_- So instead of saying he'll go get my burger he tells me to text my mom to go o taco bell. *sigh* so i do and of course she calls asking me why, I tell her what happens and shes unhappy which is understandable, I know I'm unhappy too, even more so that in the time that it took my mom to get my food and come back my dad could have gone and get it and neither my food or my moms food would have been cold.....
But in the end I did get food, I'm fed and full and all is well in that area....I unfortunately am dealing with a bunch of crap and I'm tired and unhappy for a combination of reasons...one is, it seems no one gives crap about what I have to say anymore....my dad ignores me, people at work ignore me, and even fajra seems to ignore me....no one seems to have even the slightest interest in me anymore and it kind of irritates/upsets me....yeah I know its not all about me, but at the same time, i need something to vent to so I dont go on a killing spree or cause myself some sort of physical harm.
Also the biggest thing that seems to be bothering my a great deal is the fact that my cousin is going to die.....she just turned 50 and she has about six months to a year to live....she has cancer that got into her lymphatic system and is not spreading throughout her....the even sadder thing is....they arent going to do chemo....they arent going to do that because it would probably shorten her length of time to live.......I....dont know what to think or feel....I've dealt with death before I've dealt with it my whole life, what with my family, friends of the family and even one of my best friends death....I'm not quite as suprised or disturbed by it....at the same time....it makes me sad and it eats away at me.....I've never done well with these kinds of things and I probably never will....death is something that I just have a hard time dealing with....I ignore it or I put on a brave face and just let it build up until the weight crushes me...its not healthy but I really dont know what to do....I have very few people to talk to, and while I've dealt with death and the death of people due to cancer it is still something that I dont understand....
Sometimes I hate the world and everyone in it....other times, I go with the flow and jsut see where the current takes me today....
- Tags:rant, rl
- Location:Home
- Mood:depressed
 - Music:Fall out Boy - disloyal order of water buffaloes
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| Making a quick post before I go to bed cause I'm sick with a sinus problem due to the ever changing weather.
Today was ok, except about miday I was hit with a sudden feeling of depression, its been awhile since I felt that way and then I realized that my monthly gift from mother nature has yet to arrive. yay..... *growl* so thats probably why along with the horrible weather that cant seem to make up its mind I feel like crap. XD Took a lot of drugs and took a bath, took a nap and had a lot of peppermint, as well as tea so hopefully that will help. ^^
Starting to realize that i reeeeally want to get a new tablet again because I'm bored and cant work on anything when I have the urge to do it, because my original tablet is dead. Tablet must have. I will get it eventually but there's a few things I have to do first before I get that. XD; | |
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| They always have a way of sticking it to me....
For the most part my day wasnt too bad, it went smoothly no one at work bothered me, and for the most part I got quite a bit done, as well as found a couple of DVDs I might snag, like the second half of Ouran host club. I never got to finish it so this would be the perfect way for me to finish it! yay! I also noticed someone ordered Ghost Hunt, I dont know a ton about it, but the manga passed through and for the most part it was pretty interesting so I might end up borrowing that too, I havent decided yet. XD;
But yeah,, today went by really well and I was happy, got off of work and went to the bus stop, where I ended up waiting for an hour for a bus that never showed up!!! Fucking lame!
I waited for the bus and it never showed, so about 20 minutes later I called customer service and complained to them, then continued to wait, about an hour later still no bus so I ended up calling my dad and asked him to pick me up. fortunately for me, he wasnt busy, so I was very greatful for the ride because I was really pissed off, frustrated and I just wanted to go home cause I was cold.
I ended up going across the street to a restraunt and got something to eat, i felt a little better and as I waited for my food I was able to see the bus I could have taken drive by. Fan-fucking-tastic! But the interesting and probably good thing was that as I watched it go by i felt nothing, no anger, no frustration no, "dammit, if I only waited another minute" just, nothing as it drove past.
Prehaps I'm getting better at not letting lifes uncontrolable instances bother me anymore. Haha.
But then tonight I ordered pizza and it took an hour to get here, i ended up calling the place twice asking where my pizza was and they kept telling me it should be there any second. i waited and finally about an hour later my food came. but then I had to deal with the delivery guy continuing to knock on my door because he thought that I didnt pay for the pizza which shouldnt have happened because my credit card is attached to my account with them, so I had to call them again and make sure it went through.
So while my work day went well, my afternoon after work was crappy. Just glad it wasnt anything serious, just a lot of little stupid things to piss me off and annoy me and make my supposedly good day become a little sour. | |
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| Well after a somewhat stressful and headache inducing week I am happy because next week I get my first big paycheck since I started working full time, and two! I finally got my Tax Refund!!!! OMG! YAY!!! I HAVE MONEY AGAIN! XD;;
I still cant go nuts since I have bills to pay and things I need to get and want to get, so I still have to be tight with my money but at least now I dont have to be so tight as I was before, to the point where I drove even my parents crazy. XD;; I got two hundred dollars more this year than I did last year but I think it has to deal with the fact that I paid for my tuition for my final semester. Speaking of which I am now very happy because now I can afford the things I never got to get for my graduation. Despite the fact that I walked through the ceremony it just never felt complete because I didnt get the photos or the class ring. maybe this year I will actually be able to get some of that stuff. That would make me so happy and make my graduation feel more complete.
Speaking of which I did get my diploma finally that was so fullfilling. ^-^ | |
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| I am sooo glad that its friday....I have had quite a week....prehaps not the week from hell, but its been interesting to say the least. Since I've started working full time again, I have been up to my ears in work. all different kinds of work, all improtant, but cant do it all at once because of priority and because my poor supervisor is in the same situation as me, so if she cant do something neither can i. Invoicing has been stopped and I have a huge pile of them on my desk that need to be done. Books have also piled up and so have the boxes, boxes everywhere and its driving me crazy!
The other thing that has been bothering me is the fact that I keep getting stupid little jobs that arent as important thrown to me. Which in a way is good because it just means more work for me, and makes me more valuable. but at the same time it means....more work for me, when I'm already surrounded by books, boxes and work. -_-;
I have also gotten irritated with people dumping their problems on me maybe not on me in particular, but dumping still, I'm in the vacinity and I can hear them....its something I dont need, and I get tired of hearing the complaining about choices people have made when its their own choice to begin with! *sigh*
I had a book fall on my arm yesterday too, I was moving a stack of books when they decided to shift and fall, well I kept them from falling but then they decided to shift in another direction and fall in the opposite direction, one of them hit my arm and the corner of it sliced my arm, fortunately not real deep and I wasnt bleeding but it bruised and cut my arm pretty good nonetheless....
And as though that wasnt enough on the family front I have gotten two pieces of bad news all in the same day. One was i found out one of my cousins has been in the hospital for two weeks, apparently she waited until yesterday to tell the family that she has cervical cancer that has spread to her stomach.....unfortunately.....it also doesnt take a doctor to tell me....what that means in the long run....
Another cousin of mine has been battling lukemia for a few years and now I find out that her throat has closed up and she needs to have surgery or else she cant breath and if she cant breath she'll die....but of course due to our fabulous health insurance....they will only cover the treatement of the cancer, and not this kind of life saving surgery....go figure....my aunt and uncle are trying to find the money for that....
I'm still numb...I still dont know how to react and it might be a while before I can have a real reaction to anything.... | |
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| Hello all! yes I have not updated as much as I said I would, normally because I am distracted a lot oby facebook and Poupeegirl, as well as the Poupeegirl comms. XD;; But I have also been working a lot and since they changed it where you have to have a username and such in order to log into the internet I havent been able to do certain things that dont take a lot of my time because I dont have an account at work so I can sign in. I did talk to my supervisor so hopefully I will be getting one soon. XD;; I did finally get my new CD's yesterday! Yay! I got D'espairs Ray's new album Redeemer, Duel Jewels New album and two singles, D's Snow White and Versailles Prince & Princess. I ended up getting the Kamijo cover since I reeeeeally like him, he's gorgeous. XD; I got some nice little picture cards in the cd's too, as well as a couple of nice posters, one for D'espairs Ray and my very first D poster. OMG D!!!!! XD;'' That makes me happy since I have absolutely no D posters whatsoever. Though the picture card I got for D'espairs Ray is Zero, which is a first for me. XD;; Oh! I'm also on two more sites. XD;;; I'm on Nicotto which is interesting for me since I'm basically winging it since I cant read that much Japanese except Katakana and Hiragana. XD;; So here's my page their if you're on it. XD;; http://www.nicotto.jp/user/mypage/index?user_id=164688The other site I'm on is Twitter! OMG! Yes I Tweet! XD;; I tend to tweet more at work using my celly but still its fun! and i dont have to use the computer! XD;; So heres my page for twitter. http://twitter.com/KohakuShadowSo feel free to friend me there. XD;; Not much else going on except work work and more work. Oh yeah! and the fucking drama shit thats going on where I live because the County wants to Close down a library and because of that the people of the county ae going nuts because they dont want their library to close and blah blah blah. But the main point that most of them fail to realize is.... 1) That building is not owned by the county, its owned by the college!!!! and 2) They keep saying that we should maybe cut back on all the people who are working at Support Services. but here's the thing. THERE'S NO ONE LEFT TO CUT!!!! Oh my god people piss me off with their freakin ignorance! If they had a fucking clue they wouldnt be saying this shit! The thing is, the library somewhere down the line is going to close because the ultimate goal though obviously not anytime in the near future is they want to create a large library thats very similar to the Camarillo library. another thing is, ventura has three libraries....and we dont need three nessecarily. Another thing is, they're painting foster library to be the lowest and crappiest library in ventura when thats not true at all! Its a very nice library, I grew up going to that library and it offends me that people are bashing it when they dont know anythig!. The other thing is most of these people dont have a clue that we are heavily understaffed and that all of these "new jobs" that people are talking about arent new at all, its people just taking on more responisiblities and its like there arent anymore jobs to be cut! Its that and the shit thats going on with these stupid fucking companies that are greedy that really piss me off, but i have to not listen to a lot of it because it really upsets me. and gets me irritated to hear about all of the fucking morons that are sucking the life out of this country and makes me wish I was somewhere else. | |
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| Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
1. I love Corgi dogs.
2. I'm afraid of the dark
3. I have a fear of heights
4. I have a fear of failure.
5. I dont really know what I want to do with my life at the moment and sometimes it makes me feel like a loser.
6. I love the book the Last Templar
7. I don't care much for kids (but for some reason they tend to like me.)
8. I would like to learn more about fashion and make my own clothes.
9. I'm trying to learn Japanese again since I currently suck.
10. I would like to travel to see friends from other countries.
11. I have a bachelors degree in studio art but dont know what to do with it.
12. I sometimes wonder if I'm going to end up alone.
13. I want to go to a shooting range.
14. Eleventh hour is one of my new favorite shows.
15. Rufus Sewell is my new crush.
16. I love CSI, CSI: Miami, and CSI: NY.
17. I collect perfume but it has to be nice smelling perfumes.
18. I love roses.
19. If someone hurts me in any way I tend to never forgive or forget.
20. I get annoyed that despite constantly cleaning my room it never seems to be clean.
21. I am never satisfied with myself.
22. I am constantly finding something wrong with everything in my life.
23. I am sensitive to how people talk to me.
24. I am always trying to work hard to please everyone.
25. I dont like it when things are rubbed in my face, I either end up getting very angry or I cry.
Normally I would tag people on this, but considering I dont have 25 friends on LJ, if you do it, comment so that I may also read your facts. ^__^ | |
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| Things look good and then something in like likes to throw a pie in your face. Not so much a big pie, but a pie nonetheless....California apparently has run out of money, and fortunately for me, I have a job now and I dont have to worry about reliying on the fucking lazy ass state anymore. But I have yet to receive my final unemployment check, which isnt a huge deal since I will be getting a paycheck soon, but still, that is a small amount of money that I fucking need right now!!!!! And now I have to redo the form I submitted two weeks ago because they think I did something wrong on the form which I didnt! Fucking bloodsuckers!!!! >.< I fucking hate these people and I will be so happy when I start getting paychecks again so i dont have to deal with this shit anymore, the less I have to deal with the state and their retared shit the better for me. But because of this whole situation and me starting work so late I am running out of money and I cant do shit!!!! FUCKERS!
*sigh* In other news, last week while at work I witnessed a guy that was either unconcious or dead get taken away in an ambulance, I have no idea what happened or if the guy is ok, but it was upsetting to see, especially since the poor man was unresponsive. I hope he's ok, but I dont know.....also I started reading The Last Templar, because I watched the TV and I was highly dissapointed with it, I didnt like the woman, and I thought the ending was very unsatisfying. So because of that I decided that I would read the book, I find the book a WHOLE lot more enjoyable than the movie so far. Especially since not only did they change some of the characters but so far none of the events in the movie are remotely close to the book! Its like they took the books characters and general plot and made their own movie! Its annoying! But the book is very enjoyable and I'm finding it very interesting and fascinating. Tess is deffinately a lot more likeable in the book, almost cute actually. XD;;
I also got the dreamings semi-new CD, I say semi-new because it is a new CD but its not new songs, its a pre-op CD but it has some of their old songs that you cant find anywhere else and I love it! Besides anything that helps the band directly I will deffinately do. But also I love the Dreaming and I love the members in the band! Jinxx has to be my favorite though. He's so cute!
Also looking forward to the Valentines Day event on Poupee Girl, cant wait. haha! probably loose all my ribbons and I'll have to buy more when I get some money but thats ok, anything for cute things! XD; | |
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| I <3 Margaritas mixed with Grand marnier! OMG so yummy! Add chocolate to that and I'm in heaven. weee!!!!
Oh yeah! I got my samples from Leslie whos the CEO of Bare Escentuals! I got a bunch of samples to give to people and she gave me a compact that she signed! Ooooooh I love it! So happy! Ok gotta go back and decorate my YoVille Apartment! Woohoo! | |
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Today me and my dad went to Starbucks before work. I have to admit I really missed having coffee everyday I went to work. XD;; We got to starbucks, low and behold! They had the casi Cielo coffee I love so much! OMG! *rolls around* I ended up buying a bag of it right then because I didnt know how long it would be around and I really love how smooth and delicious it is! almost like drinking chocolate, its heavenly. So because I bought the pound of coffee I ended up getting a free cup of coffee. I got my own coffee and my dad took me to work. I ended up giving my free cup of coffee to my supervisor cause she's done so much for me and done so much to get me back to work! She was so happy and appreciative of it and that made me feel good. ^^
After work my mom picked me up and I took her out to lunch then we went to the mall where we looked at the Bare Escentuals makeup but i didnt buy anything cause I pretty much bought or got all that I wanted during the holidays not to mention that I bought some stuff last week. Oh well. There's suppose to be some new things being released in a couple of months so I would rather wait for that. ahaha! I also went and looked at the perfume cause I do have a thing for perfume, love it and I love collecting it. Anyway my mom had told me about this cologne that she said her boyfriend liked to wear while she lived in Okinawa. She told me that a lot of the Indian guys loved it and while she liked the scent they tended to over do it bit. XD;; So I found the cologne and sprayed it on one of the testing strips. I loved it! Its a really nice scent but I can see why too much might be really overpowering. haha. XD;
After that we went home where I have been playing on facebook all afternoon and all night. XD;; I kind of fell asleep though but I was woken up because I was snoring and started to choke. XD;;;; But yes Facebook, I love it, I love finding all my friends and I love playing on some of the applications. I think MyFarm and YoVille are my two favorites. XD; Oh yeah if anyone is on facebook feel free to friend me you can find me using this yokiralitvak@sbcglobal.net email address. ^^ | |
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