OMG! I just got this the other day.

 

My beautiful Doctor who Poster with The Tenth Doctor David Tennant on it! 

Isnt it beautiful!? XD

I <3 David!

Today was really boring, I think this had to be the longest Friday ever. But I really beleive that it had to deal with the fact that it was 9/11. I actually kind of forgot....until I woke up. I had marked the date on my calendar but when i woke up this morning and turned on the TV i was taken by suprise by the memorial service that was going on.

It made me really sad to think about the day again, but then its the same every year, I wake up and go over what happened that horrible day every year. Go over how I found out, how shocked I was to hear what happened and the sick feeling I had in my stomach the entire day. I still feel sick every year on this day as well as whenever I see photos or footage on TV of the twin towers burning and falling.....

I think this is one of those days where even if I wanted to forget it i probably couldnt, but I wont because its a day that should never be forgotten.

But today went by really slowly and I think the fact that it was 9/11 really had to be the bigges reason. but it was a decent day, very few people were there and other than the fact that I didnt have a ton of work to do, it was good and I kept myself busy all day.

I went to costco today and I got a great deal on some diffuser sticks and oil which was great because I ran out of the stuff I got last year for christmas. XD I also got a beautiful bottle of Jean Paul Gaultier Classique for a cheap price. I've been wanting it for so long but I never wanted to spend $75 for a bottle because its just way to much for me and my low income. XD

Oh! I keep forgetting to post it because Its not on my cell camera, but I did take a picture of my brand spaking new phone which I absolutely just love. I want to get some accessories for it, but after this weeks splurge I will have to wait until next paycheck since I dont allow myself to splurge anymore than once a pay period. XD

I also found out that apparently during some "friendly" sparring with my dad he had punched my arm so hard it bruised the bone. XD I say that because at work I noticed that I had some tingling in my arm as though it was falling asleep and I thought prehaps that it was due to me popping my knuckle back into place, but I figured out later that it was probably because of the bruise on my arm. XD

Oh well, tomorrow I get to rest and dont have to go to work. XD

For the past week my grandparents were visiting which I dont like because I end up on the couch and I never sleep well on the couch, but it was a really nice visit, and we had some fun, last thursday we went wine tasting which wasnt too bad even though we were all cramped in a small car, but after the third winery I was feeling ok and not feeling as cranky. Haha! But it was fun.

Other than that we didnt really do much which was fine since i had to work. but my mom had a nice visit with grandma and thats all that really mattered.  I just worked. XD  Although i did go into work late yesterday so that I could give them some gifts and say goodbye. Oh and the day before I came home after work and replaced the faucet in the master bathroom which killed my arms but it made me feel good since I was able to do it on my own with only a little help from my dad. XD  Although I have been sore for the past two days but it still gives me a good feeling.

Work has been a little slow because B&T apparently rushed a bunch of books and now have nothing to do. Gah so stupid, but there's other things I can do while I wait for books to come in. 

Well it’s been awhile since I've posted and while I would say that I’m sorry I know there aren’t many people who read my blog anymore, and come to think of it, I don’t post on it much anymore either.  But then how many times can I post, “I had a crappy day”, or “I had a great day” without sounding like a dork. Or pathetic. XD But I have been doing quite well, despite being broke things are great!

I have a lot of work to do which makes me tired by the time I have to leave and I have been putting myself forward more and trying my best to be as involved with the people around me as possible. Fajra is back in ventura and while she’s busy and I’m busy it is really nice to just have the ability to see her whenever we have the time to hang out.

I’ve been watching Dr. Who since while I visited her a few months ago when she was still up at Davis she introduced me to Torchwood. I love both series, and I do find it a lot better now that I’ve been watching Dr. Who because things that I saw in Torchwood make a lot more sense to me now. XD

David Tennant is so cute! I love him so much! Although I was suprised to learn that he's 6'1!  He looks so tiny to me! XD But then I think the biggest part of that is he's so skinny, so he looks small. XD  But when I see him standing next to John Barrowman I realize that they're about the same height. XD 

I haven’t been drawing much since I’m busy, tired, don’t have a tablet, plus I’ve kind of lost my drive a bit.  But I’m slowly working my way back into doing that since I really do miss having something that I can channel my energy into plus something that helps clear my head.

As an update to anyone who may still read my blog though if you want to know more about what I’m up to you can follow my on Twitter and Facebook. XD Especially since those two websites and Poupeegirl seem to take up a lot of my time lately, I really shouldn’t let myself get so hooked on so many things. XD

Oh yes! And also in other news I am finally getting a new phone. Hooray! I cant wait to get it. But don’t worry for all you peeps who have my number, my cell number isn’t going to be changing.
 

Well, this week hasnt been too bad but since my last post its like things have gone to hell....yesterday i went to work and it wasnt too bad, but unfortunately my co-worker and friend is having a tough time, since she got word that her sister isnt doing real well and only has weeks to live.  That being said it got me to think about all of the people in my life both family and friends who have died, either of cancer or other things....one of my best friends being one of the people who died which bothered me then and to this day still bothers me since she was my friend and classmate and never got to graduate with me or my friends...

The other thing is this whole thing has reminded me a lot about what my mom had to go through when her sister died....she also died from cancer and almost the same thing happened....she seemed to be doing well and just all of a sudden it hit her even harder.....

One of the things.....that never ceases to amaze me but at the same time I fully understand that each case is different, but some people might think that with all the deaths of people I know and love who died from cancer one ignorant fool might think that I would be used to it, but again like I said...each case is different and one never gets used to it because of that....

So because my supervisor had to leave early I was left to deal with things on my own which isnt a huge deal to me, but it got me to think about all the people who've passed....and it deeply upsets and hurts me to see her so sad....I feel helpless, I feel like i should be able to do and say everything that will help or whatever...but the truth is.....I dont have that capability....and the other thing is, despite the fact that I put on a brave face and I smile and just overall am there for my supervisor the way I should be.....deep down, I'm really not as stoic or strong as I would like to be....or wish I were.

After work my mom picked me up and we went to Macys because there were a couple of things I wanted and though I didnt go nuts I was glad that I got what I got because just as I was starting to feel better the other bomb was dropped in my life....

My cousin...apparently passed away....at 2.....and while I tried to be brave and keep a calm face....I just.....couldnt...I ended up breaking down and cried....it was awful....not just because of that but like with most deaths....its opened up all the wounds that have slowly healed over time....it will now take a long time to close them again...as well as close the newest wound....I havent completely decided what I want to do, but I think I am leaning towards going to the mass on friday because while I didnt always see here everyday of my life, I knew here well enough and she was there when I was growing up long enough where I need to pay my last respects to her...especially since she did come to my graduation last year.  I owe it to her since I did love her and she was part of my family....

The only thing I dont look forward to and hope that I dont ahve to deal with a lot of is the drama that tends to ensue during times like this...not to mention all the drama that was going on even before her death...

This much crap....and this much pain that I am going through hasnt happened for many years.....the last time this happened was when my moms friend and my aunt died.....they to happened so fast and so close together that its like there was no time to heal....same thing happened when my best friend died in high school...

Fortunately I have my friends and I have fajra who are always there for me and know how to help me through times like this.  For that i am greatful that you are all my friends and you give me the strength to continue on without doing something stupid.  So thank you all for being my friend.

I love you all, and thank you,

Since things have been so boring and there's only so many blog posts I can do stating that because they'll all end up sounding the same.  But today was a little interesting....or rather crap right now is interesting.

I was suppose to get a brand new computer at work which was exciting since I've been needing a new computer to work on because everytime I do anything it sounds like its going to explode.  O_o;;;

But when it came time to give the new computers out, I didnt get one....apparently due to the budget I'm not one of the lucky ones who gets a computer.  Despite the fact that I understand why, I still felt rather annoying that I didnt get one because its like what I do doesnt mean shit to anyone. But again, i dont mind...dont care, one less thing I have to deal with or worry about and I was able to finally throw out a bunch of stuff that was in the cupboard above my computer.  Bunch of crap that I didnt need, and stuff that was probably a lot older than me.

The bus ride home ws actually pretty good for a change of pace and I was just happy to be home, but when I came home I saw my neighbor sitting in his truck and i didnt think anything of i because he has a tendency to be in his truck every now and then for whatever reason, but when I entered my house I discovered that I had no power in my house.  So I decided to wait a little bit and see if it came on, but it didnt, so I called my mom and got the number to call Edison and find out if this was a rolling blackout or something happened. So after a few tries on my cellphone I was finally able to get through and was in the middle of getting some information when I was disconnected, so I called my mom again to see if she could find out. 

Turns out no one knows what the cause of the blackout was.  They didnt know what the cause was, where it was, or how long it was going to take to fix.  So two and a half hours later and after taking a shower in the dark and walking through the house which is now 80 degrees, I decide to do a little cleaning and asked my dad if he could get something from Carls Jr. which he's kind enough to do.  So I wash dishes clean up some and kind of sit around waiting for the power to come back on.  Which it does eventually.  So Yay!  air conditioner on, and all is well with the world, same with the internet. 

My dad comes home with food, hooray!  well....almost....apparently they fucked up and didnt give my dad my burger....so my mom had one, my dad had one, and I had nothing.  HOORAY!  I love today! -_- So instead of saying he'll go get my burger he tells me to text my mom to go o taco bell.  *sigh*  so i do and of course she calls asking me why, I tell her what happens and shes unhappy which is understandable, I  know I'm unhappy too, even more so that in the time that it took my mom to get my food and come back my dad could have gone and get it and neither my food or my moms food would have been cold.....

But in the end I did get food, I'm fed and full and all is well in that area....I unfortunately am dealing with a bunch of crap and I'm tired and unhappy for a combination of reasons...one is, it seems no one gives  crap about what I have to say anymore....my dad ignores me, people at work ignore me, and even fajra seems to ignore me....no one seems to have even the slightest interest in me anymore and it kind of irritates/upsets me....yeah I know its not all about me, but at the same time, i need something to vent to so I dont go on a killing spree or cause myself some sort of physical harm.

Also the biggest thing that seems to be bothering my a great deal is the fact that my cousin is going to die.....she just turned 50 and she has about six months to a year to live....she has cancer that got into her lymphatic system and is not spreading throughout her....the even sadder thing is....they arent going to do chemo....they arent going to do that because it would probably shorten her length of time to live.......I....dont know what to think or feel....I've dealt with death before I've dealt with it my whole life, what with my family, friends of the family and even one of my best friends death....I'm not quite as suprised or disturbed by it....at the same time....it makes me sad and it eats away at me.....I've never done well with these kinds of things and I probably never will....death is something that I just have a hard time dealing with....I ignore it or I put on a brave face and just let it build up until the weight crushes me...its not healthy but I really dont know what to do....I have very few people to talk to, and while I've dealt with death and the death of people due to cancer it is still something that I dont understand....

Sometimes I hate the world and everyone in it....other times, I go with the flow and jsut see where the current takes me today....